Tidbits and Snippets

What a bizarre week it's been. I'm still in limbo in so many ways.

I moved out of my apartment on Tuesday, spending most of the day with T, who didn't phone it in (as expected) but actually worked his ass off moving my stuff all day. When I did a final look at my empty apartment at 10:30pm, I actually teared up- it was disconcerting to leave that tiny little haven behind, so empty and white and hollow. It was also weird to say goodbye to T. Change is hard, even when it's a change for the better. I'm not sure why I mourned that night, but I did, feeling pain over letting go of that which couldn't/wouldn't serve me. I've outgrown a lot of things in my life, and it's time to leave those cocoons...but readiness doesn't necessarily make for an easy transition.

Since Tuesday, I've been staying with my gracious friend K and her cat, Bruce. I've been going to the gym and reading and napping and just generally taking a break. It's been lovely, aside from the allergy-med-induced insomnia. I even went to a laundromat for the first time in years; who knew old biddies could get so possessive about their dryers?

Yesterday, I had a long lunch with S at Spice Island Tea House. The food was delicious, the conversation intimate. I walked away feeling more sure-footed and rooted, which is exactly what I like about talks with S. It is very rare that nurturing is reciprocal.

Today, I'm going to work at the library until 7pm, and then most likely go shopping for some things that will be immediately necessary at the new apartment tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will include brunch and a smooth move into the new place. Keep your fingers crossed that I'll have a bed in my room on Sunday night!

You Can't Stop; I Can't Stay

I saw this in today's Sunday Secrets:

I really wanted it to be a statement about leaving T...but it isn't.  I remember being out with him once, early on in the relationship, the first time he got really drunk- he said that he didn't want to "bring me down with him".  I remember my reply was "Don't worry, you won't."

He's slowly but surely fucking his life up in many directions, that's for sure- and it's quite possible that he will sink.  But I'm not afraid of how I could be impacting that.  In a flight emergency, one has to properly secure their own oxygen mask before assisting others, right?  Well, I'm attending to that, and that translates to getting the fuck out and not fighting to get a mask on someone that doesn't want to breathe.  I can't force him into my lifeboat.

It is my job to make sure I take care of myself.  Amen and Blessed Be that I have learned that lesson well.