Harsh But True

"Sometimes when people get what they want, they realize how limited their dreams were." ~Joan Holloway

Where the Streets Have New Names

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.



I can't tell if T was a "I walk around it" pothole situation, or a "I fell in because it's a habit" pothole. Either way, I think I'm progressing toward walking down another street.

In the back of my mind, I still harbor the illusion that all this self reflection and personal work will yield an easier life. I'm starting to see how that isn't true, and how, instead, it's yielding a more flexible me to respond to an unpredictable and unstable life that is not always bad or good or easy or safe or hard or scary. It really just...*is*...and all this work is changing my responsibility toward it, in that it is changing my ability to respond.

Or something like that. :) Here's to eventually walking down a new street.

Taking the Opportune Moments

As I get older, it is easier to do the right thing for the right reasons and harder to do the right thing for the wrong reasons.

It's just...life is too short to spend time caring more about how I'm perceived than how I'm feeling. Yeah, I might not make everyone else happy anymore. Yeah, I might have to cut some ties and walk away from some reindeer games...

But ultimately? This is the ship I've been charged with sailing, and I'm going wear the shit out of my pirate hat. :P

Bizarre

I'm not sure why I feel more lonely now that I live with someone...but I do.

I think it's that whole "I'd rather be alone than lonely" thing.  I'm not yet used to having a roommate, I need to process, etc. etc.

Still, it's an unexpected feeling.