“Far too many people are looking for the right person instead of trying to be the right person.”- Gloria Steinem
I was just thinking about where I’m currently at romantically after the Big Move of ‘08, and I realized something:
This is the only time I can remember in the last 12 years where I wasn’t in a relationship, pursuing a relationship, or infatuated with a boy.
I am somewhat appalled and somewhat fascinated. Going back just through my twenties, I dated Dane for three years, then dated and married Justin and was with him for 3 1/2 years, and then dated and lived with Jon for almost three years….no real breaks between them. From 16 to 19, I dated Bill and then after we broke that off for the third time I was involved in a lot of short, casual relationships…but I never took a break from being in love, or looking for a relationship, or being interested in a boy.
No wonder I have novels in my head that haven’t been written. No wonder I have paintings I haven’t painted and books I haven’t read and hobbies that I haven’t taken seriously. I’ve made the pursuit or the maintenance of love relationships a large part of my life for, well, the whole of my adult life. Yes, love relationships are important, but I can say now, and with a clear head, that not taking a break between relationships (at least between my major relationships with Dane and Justin and Jon) and always wanting to have someone to focus my attentions on wasn’t healthy for me in the past. Pursuit has taken me away from me, away from my own thoughts and desires, projects and plans. Pursuit is a really convenient way for me to avoid my own life.
So yeah, I spent 12 years looking for the right person. I’m going to try being the right person for a while, and we’ll see how that goes.
